Well, Here I Am, Rock Me Like A Hurricane

Alright, let's close out this week with a review of the stage show turned movie, Rock Of Ages.

Since I haven't seen the original musical, I can't comment on how well it works as an adapted property. On that note, any complaints I may have that are present in the original work, I will not rescind because it means that the director, producers and writers didn't fix any potential problems with the picture. Not that I am complaining about the original, just saying.

It's 1987 and the patrons and the bar staff of the Bourbon Room are eagerly anticipating the performance of the current rock god Stacee Jaxx (Tom Cruise). Among them are Sherrie (Juilanne Hough), a small town girl living in a lonely world; Drew (Diego Boneta), a city boy, possibly raised in South Detroit; Lonny (Russell Brand), the manager of the Bourbon Room and really, REALLY, passionate about rock and roll; and Dennis (Alec Baldwin), the owner of the Bourbon Room who is hoping the money Stacee Jaxx will bring in will keep the club afloat. But it's not all beer and skittles, as newly elected mayor of LA Mike Whitmore (Bryan Cranston) and his wife Patricia Whitmore (Catherine Zeta-Jones) are determined to shut them down, as part of a “clean up the streets” initiative. All while set to various rock songs.

This film is a little mixed to me. I wasn't expecting to be bowled over and leaving the cinema rocking out or anything, but I did expect to be a little pumped and wanting to go home and put on a selection of awesome rock classics. Yeah... that didn't happen.

First, the good: I'm surprised that I'm saying this, but Tom Cruise was really impressive in his role. I don't know if they chose him because Tom has an ego problem, much like Stacee, but that doesn't get in Tom's way of playing Stacee as what I call the 'bastard son of Jim Morrison'. He arguably has the strongest vocals in the film, and some of the best songs (Paradise City, Pour Some Sugar On Me, Wanted Dead Or Alive) and he actually undergoes more character development than anyone else in the movie. I really can't stand a lot of Cruise's work but this is really good.

Speaking of people I'm not too crazy about, Russell Brand's the other standout. He gets the best lines (like every joke he makes about the band Cement Balls) and he captures the energy and spirit of rock and roll moreso than anybody else in the film. If Stacee Jaxx is the self-serving, arrogant nature of the rock and roll performer, Lonny is the side that yearns for social change, for rock and roll bands to be the heralds of the new age.

On a smaller note, I liked the interesting parallel between the rock and roll fans and the Whitmores, with both thinking the other group is the cause of moral decay, for different reasons. The rock and roll side, obviously, is condemned for promoting the lifestyle of drugs, sex and wild parties. The rock and roll side view people like the Whitmores as "the man", who are corrupted and don't take heed of the life lessons rock and roll imparts, choosing the empty pursuit of money and power. It's not a major focus but I liked the subtext.

For the most part, the songs selected are great choices. Besides the ones mentioned above, you have rock staples like I Love Rock And Roll, I Wanna Rock, Here I Go Again, Any Way You Want It, Don't Stop Believin' and We're Not Gonna Take It (albeit that one is very brief). That being said... well, let's get to the negatives

First off, some of the songs selected... well, they're not what I'd call “rock classics”. That's even if they can be categorized as rock. Now, whether or not Pat Benatar counts is up for debate but her music works in this movie (one of Catherine Zeta-Jones' two songs is Hit Me With Your Best Shot, and the entire scene using that song is just surreal) so I can live with that. But Harden My Heart by Quarterflash? If that's rock, it's very light rock.

And Extreme's More Than Words. Even if the band itself is rock, this is an incredibly mellow track for something that's touting itself as a love song (no pun intended) to the rock genre. Yeah, I know about rock ballads but this is heavily toward the ballad side. REO Speedwagon's I Can't Fight This Feeling Anymore has more oomph to it (and I'll get to that scene), and so does Poison's Every Rose Has Its Thorn.

Speaking of song choices, I get the feeling some were selected because the creators had the rights to go through an entire discography for some bands. The biggest example I can think of is Foreigner’s I Want To Know What Love Is. In the scene, Stacee is seducing a frumpy reporter (played by Malin Akerman), and they're getting hot and heavy, while singing. So... love is sex? Hot, sweaty (though implied, to keep the M rating), animal desire? That's a pretty messed up message. If it's supposed to make Stacee seem deep and troubled by his lifestyle, it reinforces the negative aspects that get talked up about him.

Also, I'm confused about something: most of the songs in this movie are treated like they are original creations of singers like Stacee Jaxx and Drew. OK, fair enough. But that does raise the question: does that mean bands like Journey and Bon Jovi don't exist in this universe? Or did they cover the songs in question at a later point? But then, if certain bands don't exist, why do bands like Aerosmith and The Rolling Stones get a mention? 

Now for the scene I talked about before (slight spoiler for this part): While I hold no objections to the use of the REO Speedwagon song, I do question the nature of the scene. Lonny and Dennis use the song to confess their true feelings for each other, and they kiss immediately after. Look, more power to them for choosing to be a couple and all but it comes out of nowhere and isn't brought up ever again. They don't hold hands, call each other pet names, or even kiss again. They go back to the way things were. If this was present in the original work, I hope they developed it more there. And if it wasn't, why was it thrown in here? What purpose did it have? It's the closest thing the movie has to a “big lipped alligator moment”.

To get off music related aspects for a minute (stay tuned for the final complaint after this), the trailer would have you believe that Patricia Whitmore is the primary antagonist. Well, while she's built up at the start, she's actually not seen that much after and she's defeated rather easily. The real villain is Stacee's manager, Paul (played by Paul Giamatti), who takes all the money Dennis was going to use to pay off the taxes for the club and is basically a slimy, greedy manager archetype that we commonly see. The movie pulls a bait-and-switch in this respect and Patricia's return at the end seems more like a “Holy crap, we forgot to end the subplot involving her!”

But my biggest complaint lies with the two leads, Sherrie and Drew. They both look and sound like they escaped from some kind of Glee-clone factory. For most of the first half of the film, Sherrie's just so filled with positivity and never stops smiling and it really sickens me. Likewise, Drew's a little too young to really get what rock really is (in my opinion). And their romance drags the film down. They fall in love way too quickly, after having spent little time together, and their relationship goes through the motions. I wouldn't go as far as to call them crappy actors, but I'm not impressed.

In spite of my lengthy list, I'm still giving it a recommendation and a 3/5. But there was so much wasted potential here.