Why Can't Neighbours Have A Vampire?

As promised, time for my review of the latest Burton/Depp collaboration, Dark Shadows, based on the soap opera of the same name.

In the 1700's, Barnabas Collins (Depp) rejects the affections of one of his servants, Angelique (Eva Green), which leads to her cursing his family and transforming him into a vampire, then having him buried in a coffin and chained up. He awakens in 1972 and sets about trying to bring his descendants restore glory to the family name.

Despite being the leading character and the obvious drawcard for this movie (besides the fact that Tim Burton's the director), Depp is part of a big ensemble here, so I want to say a little bit about each actor and how they go (I should also state at this point I have seen nothing of the original show so any evaluations will be based on their own merits).

Michelle Pfeiffer plays family matriarch Elizabeth Collins Stoddard, a woman trying to keep the family's fishing business afloat (no pun intended) while raising her daughter and keeping the family from falling to pieces in the wake of the various disasters that have befallen them all.

Really, Michelle's been a class act ever since she entered the profession and she's no exception here.

Elizabeth's daughter is Carolyn, as played by Chloe Grace Moretz, and she's a smart-mouthed, rebellious teen who's in to the music of the day. Chloe's a hoot and often gets some of the funnier moments of the movie. She's going from strength to strength and she may be the turning point as to whether or not the new Carrie adaptation will be worth seeing (so far, I'm waiting on more info, but the fact that she's Carrie already gives the production something to brag about in my opinion).

Jonny Lee Miller plays Roger Collins, the alcoholic, good for nothing brother to Elizabeth. Basically, the first sniff of money and he's already wanting to splurge on fancy crap. The character's an arsehole and a bad father, but props to Jonny Lee for playing him that way.

Gulliver McGrath plays David Collins, Roger's son, an eccentric little boy who is having trouble processing the death of his mother. I couldn't really gravitate towards his character but I didn't hate him either. Overall, not badly done.

Helena Bonham Carter plays the live-in psychiatrist for David, Dr. Julia Hoffman. A chronic alcoholic, seemingly disinterested in everything until she discovers Barnabus' true nature. Much like Michelle, Helena is in a league of her own and she doesn't slip up here. One of my fave characters in the movie, actually.

Jackie Earle Haley plays Willie Loomis, the boozy caretaker for the family home. Despite all the talent on hand, from actors and actresses I've seen more films of, I declare his performance to be the best, he's easily the ensemble darkhorse. Nearly everything he says or does is hilarious and Jackie deserves a heap of praise.

Bella Heathcote plays Victoria Winters, governess to David and the love interest of the film. She handles herself quite well amongst the veteran players and I'm interested to see where her career takes her next (as opposed to where it was before, on local soap Neighbours. Years ago, that might have been something to put on your resume. Nowadays...)

And the last member of the Collins household, Ray Shirley as Mrs. Johnson, the family maid. I don't recall her saying a single word, her role being physical comedy based on advanced age. Nothing more to say, really.

Oh, but what of Barnabas himself? Depp is as he always is, always disappearing into a character and making them memorable, and this is no exception. A lot of the comedy relies on him not quite understanding modern concepts (like thinking a psychiatrist is something you eat) and being a fish out of temporal water. And for the most part, it works. Burton always gets greatness from Depp (not that Depp can't be great without him), so you're always in for a good time when these two get together.

Oh, one more performance to remark on: Eva Green as the antagonist, Angelique, who has survived for over 200 years and is determined to make life Hell for the remaining Collins'. Yeah, she's awesome. That saying, Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned? Her. Totally her. Only other role I've seen Eva Green in is Casino Royale (awesome movie, by the way) but I loved her role in this. The right blend of bitchy yet seductive, and even with a trace of sympathy.

But how do the other aspects stack up? Well, one of the biggest pros of this movie: the music. I LOVE the music selected. T-Rex's Bang A Gong, Black Sabbath's Paranoid, The Moody Blues' Nights In White Satin, even some Alice Cooper. But the one that tops them all, in a big upset: Top Of The World by The Carpenters. I have had this song stuck in my head ever since I saw this movie and I had no idea it was their song until I looked it up. A fantastic piece of pop, may even be my new fave of theirs, tying with Can't Smile Without You. Also, the song is the one responsible for that joke in the trailer, the “Reveal yourself, tiny songstress!” line and also (though rather unfortunately) my fave joke of the whole movie.

However, the film has a couple of flaws. Since this could be heading into spoiler territory, I'll keep it brief: the ending is a little too neat in one regard, kind of explaining a few elements we heard at the start but did not think more of, and introduces something out of nowhere. It's almost a little too convenient.

But the film's biggest flaw, sadly, is the inconsistency in tone. Whereas previous Burton films have struck the right balance between dark humor and light moments, this film attempts to do the same but it doesn't go over so well. A film like Beetlejuice works because the film IS dark humor, with enough bizarre elements to add to the atmosphere. But this film's primary humor derives from the aforementioned fish out of temporal water type, dealing with someone who is out of their time and mistakes a McDonalds sign for Mephistopheles (which I found funny) and isn't used to how the world works now.

But then it tries to be dark, mostly when Barnabas' vampiric nature comes into play and he has to kill people for sustenance. Then it's right back to the light stuff. Uh... yeah, that just doesn't work. The movie goes on both ends of the spectrum, but too far, as opposed to trying to balance. Even Sweeney Todd, which was a musical, pulled it off.

Still, those flaws aren't enough to spoil the movie and I recommend it, with a rating of 3.5/5. It's not up in the ranks like Ed Wood or Corpse Bride, but there hasn't been a bad Burton/Depp collaboration before and I reckon there never will be.