I'm Getting Too Old For These Hits

Now that we're into the final quarter of the year, I better start cracking down on these films I've had sitting in my to-watch pile for a while now, so the next few posts will most likely be on those movies.

Today, it's the last DC Universe Original Animated film of the year, Batman: The Dark Knight Returns Part 1.

An adaptation of the classic Frank Miller book, The Dark Knight Returns Part 1 is about a world where Batman retires from crime-fighting after the death of Jason Todd, the second Robin. A decade after said retirement, Gotham's gotten worse and Batman can't take it anymore. He dons the mantle once again, despite his advanced age, and sets out to reclaim the city.

I actually managed to procure my own copy of the comic the other day, though I have read it several times via a copy from the library. I've already spoken a little about it in my Batman comic recommendations list, but for those who haven't read it yet, it's a fantastic Batman comic, and the best Frank Miller work I've ever read (though that's not hard since he wrote All-Star Batman And Robin, which is a travesty except for the art). OK, it's not perfect (Frank, why do you hate Selina Kyle?) but what is?
The dialogue remains true to the characters, the concept of “does the world need a Batman?” gets fair representation on both sides and there are a few great images that you will never get out of your head, either because they're awesome (Bruce's fight with Superman), or horrific (the last time you see the Joker. Yeah...). So as you can imagine, both films have a LOT to live up to, considering how influential the story was.

Part 2 is expected to be released early next year, but until then, let's see how Part 1 fares.

For anyone who has read the comic, the end of the film is roughly at the same point as the end of the second issue, but the final scene of the film is actually taken from earlier in the comic (more on that later)

In all honesty... the film's actually very underwhelming, given what we're adapting here. Don't get me wrong, it's not a terrible film, not in the slightest. It's just, considering what the comic presents us with, a lot of it is lacking in this adaptation. I wasn't expecting this film to reinvent the wheel or anything, since Batman doesn't need a reinvention after having had one at the hands of Nolan and his talented cast and crews for the latest films, but I'm not quite sure the creative team for this knew exactly what impact the dialogue had for the book.

That's my biggest problem with the film right there: the lack of internal monologue. The comic is heavy with the internal monologue, a lot of which works well. Frank Miller really got the Batman character down, as well as the Joker, and it's one of the few times he's written Superman with respect. Each of them gets at least one memorable monologue and it's Frank at his best (we try not to speak of The Dark Knight Strikes Again... though personally, I don't hate it but it gets too bogged down in politics and is less about Batman than it is the other DC heroes.)

So, to discard some of the top-notch writing, simply because it's spoken in the character's heads and not as actual dialogue, it takes away from the experience.

For example, early on, Bruce Wayne gets mugged by a couple of mutant gang members and reconsiders his opinion on Joe Chill, who he used to consider the lowest of the low. The movie cuts that, and anything Bruce thinks about while in his Batman gear.

But by removing the fantastic writing, audiences who haven't read the comic won't get what Bruce is trying to achieve. Yes, seeing old man Bruce beating up mooks is still fun, but the dialogue just added so many layers.

The scene I mentioned above is also one of my favourites, definitely within the top five moments of the comic for me. Three of my other favourites won't appear until the second part, and as for my other, I'll save that for when I hand out praise, because that scene is actually done well.

Another gripe I have is that the animation looks too colourful for its own good. I mean, the Gotham of the comic wasn't devoid of colour, but it certainly didn't look as bright and cheerful as the film's version. Well, cheerful may be the wrong word, but it just looks lonely, as opposed to looking like a craphole. Or, even more of a craphole than normal.

I get that they may be trying to appeal to a more general audience, and thus things have to look a little less... depressing, for lack of a better word, but considering how these are straight to DVD, and more often than not an adaptation, it's not exactly going to bring people in en masse. So, the majority of people buying these are familiar with the source material, or at least know beforehand that this is an adaptation.

That being said, I still did enjoy the film on its own merits and there are things I need to praise:

While all the voice acting is good, the two stand-outs are, naturally, the voices for Batman and Robin (Peter Weller and Ariel Winter, respectively).

Yep, Robocop as Batman. I've long since considered Clint Eastwood for the role when I was hoping for a live action adaptation, but hey, Peter Weller's a good choice for the cartoon. He's grim and stoic, as a Batman should be, but one that's weary, and he's a good fit.

Ariel Winter, best known for her role in Modern Family, is more than capable of voicing Carrie Kelly, who in herself is a refreshing character (especially with Frank's track record with women. Ho boy... no pun intended, by the way). Ariel voices Carrie with a lot of spunk, confidence and determination, something I definitely give the thumbs-up to.

But if there's one thing I praise more than any other, it's how my favourite scene from the book was handled.

In the comic, Harvey Dent is seemingly cured of his Two-Face persona once and for all, with his face restored. But after this announcement is made on TV, he disappears. Not long after Batman reclaims the mantle, he confronts Harvey, who admits that he is now one man... Two-Face. “Both sides match...”. The panel in the comic even shows Harvey Dent, with his face now resembling Two-face completely, even if physically he looks like the old Harvey Dent. Two-Face has taken over, and he has come to terms with that. Batman can do nothing but sympathize and be left just a little bit disappointed.

And in the movie, the scene is just as brilliant. Wade Williams, who was Black Mask for a previous Batman DCUAO production, Under The Red Hood (and Bellick in Prison Break), voices Harvey and for what little screen time he gets, he makes the most of it. The scene is no less powerful, and nothing has been lost in translation. Harvey is still a broken man, a man who can't change, even as the world has changed around him. Much like Batman. Fantastic scene, just fantastic.

Also, kudos to the creative team for managing to slip in a reference to Carrie's parents being stoners. Even with an M rating down here, I still expected any such references to be omitted. But nope, the “”I was tripping the whole time” line made it in. That actually shocked me. Carrie's parents are... well, slack. Very bohemian and all “down with the establishment”, which in itself was great commentary, about loose style parenting.

All in all, a very good effort, but lacking the punch of the spectacular dialogue found within the comic. But not a waste of your time, and still better than other Batman related fare like The Batman Vs. Dracula and Batman And Robin. 3.5/5

(P.S one other thing to praise though... the final scene. It was actually in the middle of the first issue, but as a segway to Part 2... oh man, wise choice. No spoilers, but one word sums it all up nicely: “Darling”. If you've seen it, you know what it means and what's coming. Part 2 could end up being the superior installment, and hopefully they'll fix the mistakes they made with this one, especially when it comes to my remaining favourite scenes)

Legends Of The Dark Knight... Is Something I Wish I Had More Of (Part 2 Of 2)

Well, if you've seen my first post, you've seen the stories I consider to be excellent Batman stories, but which of them is truly top notch? 

#5: The Dark Knight Returns (Frank Miller, both writing and drawing)

The only Elseworlds title on my list, and a landmark for good reason: it brought Batman back into the public eye, showing how dark and serious the character was. Like Watchmen, it pushed a new trend of “dark and gritty” comics, though many of those comics failed to understand what made Watchmen and The Dark Knight Returns work. It's not about mass killing, grey and brown worlds or acting like an arsehole, it's about bleakness, an uncertainty about the world around them, and approaching things from the perspective that the world may just be broken.

The Dark Knight Returns may be an attack on the politics of its time, but it serves as a backdrop to the story, which is about a much older Bruce Wayne coming out of retirement to reclaim his city from the clutches of Hell.

Frank Miller these days is... well, a bit nuts, to put it lightly. But back in the day, he could tell one Hell of a story. Even though he would later go on to trash Superman in this book's sequel and his All-Star Batman And Robin book, in this story, Superman is written with the utmost respect and the confrontation between him and Bruce is the stuff of legend.

The new Robin, Carrie Kelly, was a great addition, and she wears the mantle proudly. I wish she'd appear in the “main” DC Universe.

If there's one problem I have, it's that Selina Kyle gets portrayed as a prostitute (which Frank would do again in Year One). Seriously, dude, what's your problem with her?

#4: Whatever Happened To The Caped Crusader? (Neil Gaiman, Andy Kubert/Scott Williams)

First off, the art: gorgeous, especially in the second part, with the depiction of the supervillains. My fave page involves Alfred looking into the mirror, and the rest of that page... yeah, I'm not spoiling.

Set after Batman R.I.P, it involves Batman watching his own funeral (not a spoiler, though) and various explanations provided for his death. The first issue of the two-parter is good, with a nice romantic angle but that second issue... amazing!

And the final pages, a triumph. If this WAS the true last Batman story, it's a Hell of a send-off.

#3: The Killing Joke (Alan Moore, Brian Bolland)

I've already brought this up in a post relating to the DC universe, but it's simply a fantastic story that I need to bring it up again. Despite trying to peg an origin on The Joker, it's up to you (and him) to determine fact from fiction.

What makes it work is that it's such a simple concept, given a grand treatment. Joker decides to shoot Barbara Gordon, kidnap her father and it's up to Batman to find The Joker and stop him.

It's such an intelligent read, too, with contrasting opinions on sanity and the human condition, with The Joker offering his own interpretation on the misery that is mankind. The Joker is even kind of sympathetic, and that's an amazing feat in and of itself. Part of that is the way he's drawn, as he's not always smiling or scowling. Sometimes, he's showing what looks like sincere sadness. Like for one moment, he's actually regretting what he's done, or that he's at the end of his rope.

The final pages are brilliant, with Batman offering genuine help to his archnemesis. The Joker declines, but not in an “Bah! I wouldn't let you help me!” kind of way, but more of an “I'm afraid we've gone far beyond that” way and, again, the way he's drawn, he's almost human in his expression. The joke he shares with Batman is actually hilarious, too, and Batman laughs right alongside him! Plus, the joke has so many interpretations relating to the story.

Simple put, an absolute treasure.

#2: A Lonely Place Of Dying (Marv Wolfman/George Perez, Jim Aparo/Tom Grummett)

The introduction of Tim Drake. I could stop right there, but I won't. I love the character of Tim Drake, who I name as my fave Robin of all (I've read more of Dick Grayson as Nightwing that to me, while he was a great Robin, I'll always see him more as Nightwing) and this arc serves to introduce him in a way that let everyone know he wasn't Jason Todd, and he wasn't going to be a Mary Sue who would be some super-awesome-new-Dick-Grayson clone. He was a humble and clever boy (still is) who had no dream of being Robin, but was granted the role after acquitting himself in a tense situation.

Also, there's a great scene with Two-Face (the villian of the arc) in which he and Batman make a plan to capture the other, with their thought processes being nearly identical, and the scene is drawn as a mirror to those thoughts. I wish I saw more of this, it's just a great concept, especially for a villian like Two-Face.

Until the #1 entry came along, there was no finer a Batman story I could ever hope for, and it's still as great today as when I first read it.

But as for that # 1 entry? Well, it's none other than...

#1: Hush (Jeph Loeb, Jim Lee/Scott Williams/Alex Sinclair)

The grandest of the grand, and not just one of my fave Batman stories, but one of my fave comics all up. Introducing a wonderful new villain, the title character, the status quo was shaken in more than one way (this is the story in which Harvey Dent gets the plastic surgery that “cures” him of being Two-Face, until Face The Face) and it allows one of Batman's old foes to claw his way back to the A-list and prove why he's awesome.

Multiple villains, a compelling mystery, long term effects and set-ups for future stories, simply a masterpiece.

Also, Jim Lee's pencils, plus Alex Sinclair's colouring, just beautiful. Jim is one of the best artists in the industry, and his art is also one of the two redeeming factors of the excrement that is All-Star Batman And Robin.

Well, I hope you enjoyed these two blogs. If you are a Batman fan and you haven't read at least four of these, get out there and find them! If you're looking to get started with Batman comics, I've found that while prior knowledge of the comics history helps, most if not all of these are fully accessible without that much information. Really, with Batman, you could start nearly anywhere and enjoy the book on its own, which is another reason why he's my fave comic book character (Grant Morrison's stuff may be the exception, though. That guy LOVES his continuity...)

Crisis Of Infinite Batmen, When's That Happening? (Part 1 Of 2)

Even though my review of The Dark Knight Rises will be up later in the week, I'm still in the mood to talk about Batman. One of my first comics, and the first hero/superhero trade I ever bought, was A Death In The Family, back when I wasn't even into comics. I knew a little about them, but I still knew who Batman was due to the films. Eventually, I started collecting comics and I discovered the larger DC universe, as well as comics from other companies. In spite of the wonderful stories I've read through all those companies, I've probably read more comics relating to Batman than anyone else (well, maybe with the exception of Spider-Man).

I've read different eras of Batman, different universes with Batmen, his interactions with the rest of the superhero community, stories about the Bat Family and how they truly connect with him. While I haven't always enjoyed everything I've read, I am always eager to read (and re-read) stories about the Dark Knight.

So, I've decided to do a top ten list on my absolute favourite Batman stories (to this point), just for some variety. It's not that I'm sick of reviewing movies, it's just that I haven't done much outside of them for the past few weeks, so a change of pace is nice.

And remember, these are my favourite stories, not the classic stories, not the ones that new fans should start with (though some will show up).

First up, some honourable mentions, listed by writer first, artist second:

• Batman: Year One (Frank Miller, David Mazzucchelli)
• Batman: R.I.P (Grant Morrison, Tony Daniel, but also Alex Ross for the covers)
• Batman: The Long Halloween (Jeph Loeb, Tim Sale)
• Batman: Dark Victory (see above, sequel book)
• Slayride (Paul Dini, Don Kramer/Wayne Faucher, and notable not just for actually having a lack of Batman until the end, but also a one-shot. For anyone interested, it's Detective Comics #826 [Vol. 1] and it's such a great story. But then, it's Dini writing, you should already be scrambling to find it)

With those mentioned, let's get to the list, starting with #10 and working our way down. Though, like most lists, they aren't in any real particular order (with the exception of #1 and #2). 

Also, due to length, this will be cut into two blog posts, with #10-#6 today, #5-#1 tomorrow.

#10: Knightfall (various writers and artists)

One of the earliest stories I knew about, the idea of Batman being defeated in combat seemed unfathomable. But part of what makes it a great story is the message I gained from it: you can break the man, but you cannot break the Bat. Not to mention, the genesis of the events is a stroke of genius: break out EVERY Arkham inmate and let them loose so that Batman can be weakened trying to round them all up. Also, this was the story that put Bane on the map, and made him one of Batman's greatest foes. I haven't read the follow-up, KnightQuest, but it's Knightfall you should be trying to locate.

#9: Face The Face (James Robinson, various artists)

The first Batman story after Infinite Crisis (a discussion for another time), and a year after those events, it's still business as usual for the Caped Crusader and the Boy Wonder. What I like, though, is how it addresses what Bruce has thought of during his year away from Gotham, mostly concerning the welfare of Tim Drake, the at-the-time Robin. The fact that he believes Tim will one day become the world's greatest detective speaks volumes of his respect for the teen, and is a sign that the trip around the world has done him a world of good.

But the best thing about it, it gave Harvey Dent (yes, Harvey Dent, not Two-Face) a chance to shine again, since he was the protector of Gotham during Batman's absence. His conflict with himself (that's Two-Face for you) is the highlight of the story, showcasing how Harvey really does want to redeem himself. Sadly, he succumbs to becoming Two-Face again, restoring the status quo. I'd love it if a few more villains actually stayed on the straight and narrow. Despite that, fantastic story.

#8: Long Shadows (Judd Winick, Mark Bagley)

After Final Crisis (that won't be for another blog, at least not right now, as I have yet to read it), Bruce Wayne was trapped in the past (see the great mini-series The Return Of Bruce Wayne, another honourable mention) and Dick Grayson puts aside his Nightwing costume and dons the mantle of the Bat. I haven't read much of Dick as Batman, which is a pity because he's an excellent Batman, and his relationship with the new Robin, Damian Wayne (yes, Bruce's biological son. Comics are weird.) is a reversal of the whole “Grim and stoic Batman, happy-go-lucky Robin”, which makes for interesting new story opportunities.

Also, it features a villain trying a new approach (or rather, an old approach for him but he's smart enough to take advantage of the current situation) with trying to teleport into the Batcave (for the record, our old friend Two-Face shows up for this story and while I do lament losing Harvey again, at least Two-Face here is written as being smart and with actual humanity. I do like scenes where the villain speaks with one of his smarter henchmen with a hint of respect, and this story has that).

Like Face The Face, it's business as usual with that the Caped Crusader has to deal with, but the inner monologues help us address and adjust to the changes and is a wonderful blend of the classic style of Batman stories with the new perspective. And like Face The Face, it's a shame that the status quo would be restored (though taking much, much longer in terms of how many issues it took), but at least we have this.

#7: To Kill A Legend (Alan Brennert, Dick Giordano/Adrienne Joy)

The only pre-Crisis (another time, comics confusing, blah blah) story on this list and the only one-shot (not counting two upcoming entries, due to their length) and is one of many stories in issue #500 of Detective Comics (Vol. 1). The first time I had ever heard of Phantom Stranger, and enough to pique my curiosity, but the main reason I love this story is twofold (insert your own Two-Face joke here, even though he's not in this story).

First, the way Robin is written. Y'see, in this story, the Phantom Stranger has granted the Dynamic Duo a chance to save Bruce's parents on another Earth. While Batman gains all the information he can before the night of the shooting, Robin finds out there are no other heroes on the Earth, and no Krypton either. Upon observing that the young Bruce Wayne is a spoilt brat, Robin wonders if what they're doing is right. I love the fact that in this story, Robin is playing the clinical detective who thinks things through, while Batman is thinking too emotionally, wanting to save “his” parents above all else.

The other is the ending, which is so heartwarming. Batman does indeed save this universe's Thomas and Martha Wayne, and he and Robin return to their own, wondering what will become of this Bruce Wayne. As it turns out, this Bruce changes his attitude, becoming a lot more studious. It is revealed he will still become Batman, but this will be a Batman that won't be fueled by grief and vengeance, but of gratitude. He will honour the masked man who saved his parents that night, he will be a positive Batman. And really, that just warms the cockles of my heart.

#6: The Man Who Laughs (Ed Brubaker, Doug Mahnke)

With Batman: Year Two out of continuity, this is now considered the canonical events of Batman's second year, primarily his first encounter with The Joker. While I haven't spoken much about the art in previous stories, none of it is terrible (save for one section of Knightfall, but that's for another time. Possibly) but here, The Joker is marvelously drawn (the cover of the comic is simply beautiful too) and the rest of it is great too. While it doesn't always neatly fit with Year One (the setting looks a little more modern than Year One, maybe that's just me) it's a great Joker story and demonstrates an important revelation for Batman: it will only get worse from here.

Part 2 of my personal fave Batman stories will be posted tomorrow. Until then, hope this has inspired you to look for a good Batman story to read.

Here Goes Nothing

As promised last blog (after all my apologies and thank you's), here is the tribute I have created in honour of the fourth year anniversary.

I have made up the lyrics to go along with Billy Joel's song We Didn't Start The Fire. Now, if you're not a Billy Joel fan, I'm sorry for that (and here I go again). If you actually full on hate him, please note I chose this song because the format worked better for a list, like what I've done.

Now, some other things to note:

• I've included names of personalities, producers, fans and such but if your name isn't here, it was cut due to time and such, and is not vindictive on my part (like I said last blog, there is only one person I will not support that was, key term WAS, involved with this site, and leave it at that) so please don't take it personally.
• Some names you will notice aren't actually members of the site in any way (most notably, the guys at Cinemassacre get name checked), but because they've been involved with several videos, it only feels right to include them. Now, someone like Yahtzee, for example, hasn't had anything to do with the site (to my knowledge) so he's not here.
• I swap between real names and character names because some are easier to rhyme. Remember, the main aim of this, besides celebrating the good folks at Channel Awesome, was to rhyme cohesively and I'd like to think I didn't entirely suck at it.
• As to why I didn't record this myself, instead of writing it in a blog like I have, please consider the following: my tech's not that great, I'm not much of a tech head anyway and even if I could record it, I don't have the confidence to sing on camera anyway.

Now, the song doesn't quite match these lyrics perfectly. In fact, after the first verse, I considered giving up. However, I found that, with the exception of the chorus and possibly the last verse, there is one part in particular that gets close enough. So, for the purposes of this song, pretend Billy Joel's keeping time with this part the whole way bar the end and chorus:

“Beggin, Reagan, Palestine,

Terror on the airline
Ayatollah's in Iran,

Russians in Afghanistan”

Alright, I think I've covered everything. If you want to YouTube the song and try and match it up, go right ahead. If you know the song and don't want to, I'll be including the time marks for when there's silence.

OK, here we go. *Crosses fingers that this goes down well*

*Wait 32 seconds*

Nella is a fan of Kirk

Todd thinks Chris Brown is a jerk

Tom and Mickey make quite a team

Sage just wants to hear us scream

JewWario's games come from Japan

And Linkara is a man

SYMBOLISM! Is Mat's catch phrase

CR hosts There Will Be Cake

Wait 8 seconds

Mike J with his cup of tea

Welshy is defending Pirates 3

Please get out of Spoony's Way

Critic, I did like your Let's Play

Suede is back for all to see

For Phantom fans, we have Lindsay

Iron Liz, please roll that die

While we watch the latest Coldguy

This is for Channel Awesome

A celebration across every nation

This is for Channel Awesome

And for all the fans, spread throughout the lands

Maven's a creature of the night

Angry Joe will lead the fight

Nash is screaming obscenities

Time for Film Conscience with Luke Mochrie

Sad Panda, Forget About That

But we will never forgot Lord Kat

Gamer and Goggles may have left

Under fair use, this isn't theft

Shout out to Kyle, Mike and James

Pushing Up Roses and her games

Let's go gaming with Benzaie

Before catching up with That Sci-Fi Guy

Obscurus Lupa hates Gooby

Cinema Snob covers trashy movies

Last Angry Geek has issues, too

Who hates Sucker Punch? JesuOtaku!

This is for Channel Awesome

A celebration across every nation

This is for Channel Awesome

And for all the fans, spread throughout the lands

We have a critic who covers rap

Phelous trudges through horror crap

MarzGurl covering Don Bluth

No Australians? I say strewth!

Still Gaming, the host is Lee

Diamanda tortures minions with glee

Skitch makes music for the site

Team FourStar, abridged done right

Wait 3 seconds

But Little Kuriboh is great too

Vangelus has toys for you

Read Right To Left with your host, Nik

Roo shows you how consoles tick

ChaosD1 reviews MMO's

The Gaming Den is Dena's show

Onacitizen of Brows Held High

Epic Fail with that Sean Fausz guy

This is for Channel Awesome

A celebration across every nation

This is for Channel Awesome

And for all the fans, spread throughout the lands

Invasion of Molassia

Detailed in Kickassia

Then we have Suburban Knights

Ending in an epic fight

Don't forget about the first year Brawl

Good times that were had by all

Now we're going into space

Possibly even a great big chase

Who knows what's in the years to come?

All I know is they are not done

I'll keep coming back for more

And DVD's I hope to score!

This is for Channel Awesome

A celebration across every nation

This is for Channel Awesome

And for all the fans, spread throughout the lands

Holly and Bridget keep things going strong

Bhargav, Mike, Rob, you're in this song!

Jillian, I did not forget you

And Oreo, she is so cute!

How could I forget the fans

They are such a merry band

Justin, Fran, Jesh and Chris

Jeff and Christy, you're in this!

Jada, Leo, Brian, Morgans as well

Ned, Tash, Nic and Matt are swell

Alex, Devin, Nigel and Isaac

Boy it's so hard keeping track

I'm sure that there are many more

But it's too hard to keep a score

Sorry for all forgotten (including Paw)

But the song is finished, I CAN'T NAME THEM ANYMORE!

This is for Channel Awesome

A celebration across every nation

This is for Channel Awesome

And for all the fans, spread throughout the lands

And repeat until finish

Well, that's my meager offering for Channel Awesome. If anyone from the company or fandom does end up seeing this, I hope you like it, it's my gift to you (and no, you can't return it for a melon baller). If you were offended in any way, I offer the biggest apology I can, as I do not mean to offend. If you want to comment, feel free to do so!

P.S Paw, if your followers, fellow contributors or yourself end up reading this, I didn't actually forget you, I just had that rhyme picked out early on and I liked it. Sorry, dude XD.

P.P.S For anyone who wants to point out that I have an 's' next to Morgan, that is intentional, for both the Morgans I know in the fandom.

P.P.P.S For anyone who wonders why Oreo got a name check, I offer this explanation... PUPPEH! =D And that's all I need to say.

I'm Sorry, I'm So Sorry

You know, I have all these things I want to say, all these things I could say about today's topic, but a thousand monkeys mentally linked to me, typing out everything I think about the subject is still unable to do it justice.

Today, I'm posting the first part in a two part tribute to the production company Channel Awesome, to celebrate the upcoming fourth year anniversary video with most of the personalities of their flagship website, www.thatguywiththeglasses.com.

I admit that for this blog, I am primarily making it for said personalities, but also the staff and fans, so this will be less likely to be new person-friendly. To that end, I'll give a brief history and recommendations.

Channel Awesome itself was created by three guys: Mike Michaud, Mike Ellis and Bhargav Dronamaju. While working at a Circuit City in 2007, the three of them came up with the idea for Channel Awesome, but put off on doing anything about it until they were laid off. And for probably one of the few times in history, that's an example of a dismissal leading to bigger and better things.

They began with the website That Guy With The Glasses, launching in April 2008, using the characters created by Doug Walker. Before the site's set-up, Doug was hosting these characters and concepts through YouTube, but they were repeatedly removed every time suspected copyright infringement reared its ugly head.

As time went on, more and more contributors joined the site, and it grew into the entertainment powerhouse it is today.

I think we'll stop there for a history lesson, because this blog is already going to be long enough. If you've never heard of the site, or only have a passing familiarity, I suggest you click on it and check it out. Pick a talent that has something relating to an interest of yours, whether it be video games (check out the Blistered Thumbs subdivision with contributors like Dena Natali, hostess of The Game Den or Leon Thomas, host of Heart Of Gaming), comics, manga (covered by the Inked Reality division, which also covers anime, home to talent like Y Ruler Of Time, host of Read Right To Left or Team Four Star, the group behind Dragon Ball Z Abridged), movies (Diamanda Hagan, Blockbuster Buster), TV shows (primarily the Nostalgia Critic and Nostalgia Chick), music (Todd In The Shadows, Paw Dugan), even books (the podcast Spine Breakers)

In a nutshell, it's a haven for nerds, geeks and outcasts. I'd classify myself as all three, except I'm not smart enough to be a nerd. Or smart at all. The site itself is a wonderful gateway, to many wonderful people and so many things to discover or rediscover. And again, I could be here all day listing anyone and everyone who's involved with the site, presenting or otherwise. But that's not what I'm blogging about.

No, I'm blogging to make amends. Amends for things that have been done, amends for things that will be done (mostly the next blog post, details provided later on).

Firstly, I apologize for anyone I haven't mentioned up above or for anyone who won't be in the next blog. I'm working on something that will be listing a lot of names of people involved with the site, and if I've left your name out, it's not on purpose. I know I have a lot of room to list every individual who has ever been involved with Channel Awesome but nobody wants to spend all day reading one random fan's ramblings. There is only one person in the history of the site that I do not support in any way, but that's a former contributor and we will not talk about that. And if that is a sore spot with you, I apologize for that too. However, that is my opinion and I will not change it. Even the closest things to perfection have flaws and Channel Awesome is no exception. I do not blame them, and it does not tarnish them, it's all on this person.

Also, I apologize if I've rubbed anyone up the wrong way in the Facebook fandom groups. While I've been watching the videos of some contributors for years, it's only recently that I started interacting with other fans, so it's been exciting for me to talk with others who know the same jokes I do, who have interests similar to mine, who are passionate about TGWTG too. To that end, I fear I may have come across as a little over-eager, or annoying. If I have in any way annoyed or offended any of you, please accept my apology and know it was not my intent. I kind of lack social skills, not that I'm trying to make excuses, but maybe that does factor into it.

But lastly, I want to apologize to the contributors. For most, I'm sorry that I haven't seen your videos yet. It's not because I don't want to but rather it's due to other things, like stacks of DVD's to work through and what not, and I want to give every show a chance, even the shows that aren't about things I'm heavily into. Hell, the shows might even get me into some of the things I've overlooked.

Actually, there is one more apology I need to make. I don't know if he'll ever read this, but it needs to be said. So, to Lewis Lovhaug (also known as Linkara, host of Atop The Fourth Wall), I am sorry for annoying you with my constant comments and questions. I know it seems bias to say so and I'm sorry for that too (you could make a drinking game out of how many times I use “sorry” or variations thereof, but you'd probably die of alcohol poisoning), but as my favourite contributor, it's his work I follow most and the one I've seen the most times. I post under his blog as The Blue And The Gold (well, that much was obvious, since that's the name that appears in this blog) and I also feel I should point out that the name isn't meant to curry his favour, even though it refers to Booster Gold and Blue Beetle (mostly Ted Kord if I'm right and if I'm not, throw another sorry in there), it refers to my best friend, Dave Herndon, and how alike we are (as to who is Gold and who is Blue, whichever of the two characters you like better, it's always him).

Even the post title could be seen as sucking up, since it's a catchphrase of the Tenth Doctor's. I must say that if sucking up was what I intended to do, I'd use a quote of the Seventh Doctor's, since that's his favourite, but the only Seventh Doctor stories I know are the movie (which, as of writing, I am getting close to the end to, and I might blog about it in the near future) and The Greatest Show In The Galaxy (which, incidentally, was the very first Doctor Who story I have ever seen).

And I'm pretty sure I've gotten off track. The point is, Lewis, I am sorry if I've ever irritated or frustrated you with anything I've said or done, in your blog or your Twitter. I'm just fascinated by your work and I appreciate your shows, since they were a big part in helping me when I was in a state of depression (at this point, I'd like to say something different to an apology and thank Lewis, Lindsay and Doug for making me feel SOMETHING besides depression during those few months in 2010).

Well, that's all my grovelling, rambling and so on. But as for the tribute itself, I will post that next blog, once I've worked out everything to the final detail. But since it involves a lot of name-dropping (all good, of course), many Channel Awesome members are unlikely to make the final cut.

So, Stuart Ashen, Fraser Agar, Larry Bundy Jr, Wesley Lock, Jon Jafari, Tom White, Leon Thomas, Austin Hargrave, John Aprigliano, Eric Power, Harry Partridge, Eric Rodriguez, Ed Glaser, Rollo T, Lindsey Briggs, Dr. Gonzo, Cat Thompson, Travis Excelsior, Gordon Smuder, Matt Burkett, Sam Goldberg, Ven Hosky, Kelley Bain, Christopher Barnard and every other person I have forgotten (like the title card artists and Vincent E.L. Goddamn it!)

But I thank each and every one of you for all your hard work, and for your continued efforts to make Channel Awesome one of the greatest things to be born out of the internet and the world in general.

Well, that covers that. Hopefully I got names and details right and if I didn't, take another apology out of petty cash and remember, I am quite stupid. Next blog is the song I have “crafted” to mark four years of the site. I'll go over that in greater detail next time.

And as a smart man once said “I won't hold back anything and I'll walk away a fool or a king”. That might just be a hint at the artist whose song I've chosen to borrow for mine...

With This Ring, You'll Be Dead (Part 2)

(Please note: the following blog was originally posted on my old blog Why Yes I Am Quite Random, Why Do You Ask?, a blog I can no longer access for some unknown reason. This is being put at the start of each blog I'm uploading, in case anyone comes across the blog and accuses me of plagiarism. This is explained further in my introduction blog.

The following was originally posted on Friday, February 10th, 2012 at 1 am)

And welcome back to my review of the 2011 live action Green Lantern film. Last blog, I went over how uninteresting or downright irritating I found the supporting cast of Hal's friends on Earth, while Hal himself was well acted.

In contrast to the Earthlings, the members of the Lantern Corps are much more fun to hang with. Tomar-Re (Geoffrey Rush) NEEDED more screen time, that's how criminally underused he was. Playing the role of gentle mentor to Hal, Geoffrey's little screen time was not wasted.
And Michael Clarke Duncan as Kilowog? He's a hoot, and he even gets to say “Poozer”! Like Ryan, he's a fan of the comics and much like Geoffrey, I demand he get more screen time in the sequel (which I hope they do).

Luckily, the film does have an ace up its sleeve in terms of supporting characters with Mark Strong as senior Green Lantern, Sinestro. Even when things are at their worst, and death seems imminent, Sinestro remains calm and level-headed and that inspires our confidence that he's an exceptional Lantern. Though distrusting of Hal at first (cos of the whole “humans have never been Lanterns” thing), he doesn't come down especially harsh on him, just skeptical, with Sinestro being a creature of logic and all. Considering how much time the movie spends on Earth, he gets a fair amount of screen time (though a little more wouldn't hurt) and he might just be my favourite character in the movie (tied with Tomar-Re).

But it's not all fun and games in space. Our main villain, Parallax, isn't something I'd praise the creative team for. Visually, he looks like one of aliens of Mars Attacks with tentacles and for that, it kind of detracts from the menace he's supposed to project. Also, I know it might have been a little taxing to adapt Parallax directly from the comics but besides the prominent use of yellow, he doesn't resemble a giant bug at all. Yeah, that probably doesn't sound very menacing but its all about delivery. He's almost as badly mangled from the comics as Galactus was in Rise Of The Silver Surfer (seriously, a giant cloud? Really? That's your best idea? Look, the attire of Galactus may look silly, but making him a bad special effect out of some Twister knock-off isn't an acceptable alternative. I'll get to those movies eventually, too, though before the reboot, since no one has any clue on when that will hit our screens).
Character-wise... well, he's not much of one. Standard villain dialogue and motivation of conquest, blah blah blah. But what really pisses me off is how the film deals with him in the end (spoiler warning, best to skip ahead if you have yet to see this film)

Now, it's probably no shock that he gets killed off. He's a supervillain in a comic book movie after all, we're more shocked when they don't die/vanish. Basically, Hal and Parallax duke it out in space and Hal uses his ring to create a giant green fist and punches Parallax straight into a nearby sun. Parallax is vanquished, Hal's fellow Lanterns take him to the Lantern homeworld, Oa and Hal is given the respect he deserves.
That last part doesn't bother me. Again, par for the course. No, it's the fact that we have yet another comic book movie in which the rookie hero, with little to no training, takes out the major threat, sometimes through dumb luck. Biggest offenders before Green Lantern were Daredevil (come on, the Kingpin's solid muscle! I don't care if Daredevil had been active for some months before the movie, the Kingpin's been doing this for YEARS!) And in Fantastic Four, despite even less training (did they even experiment with their powers, besides Reed?), Dr. Doom gets his arse handed to him. Granted, he wasn't all that adept a fighter but that's for another blog somewhere down the line.
My point is, these are the representations of the supervillains from the comics that are just so badass and cool. To see them on the big screen go down like weaklings feels like a disrespect to their comic counterparts.
Let's compare to how some other supervillains are defeated in other movies. In Spider-Man, Green Goblin takes himself out and its a homage to the comic, and the scene is a shock to the system for anyone who never read the comic beforehand. Batman Begins, again, the villain doesn't get apprehended by the hero. Batman does stop his plan but Ra's Al Ghul chooses not to save himself, basically committing seppuku with a train. Iron Man, Stane's had less time in his suit than Tony and it's Pepper who delivers the final shot, so to speak. That one gets bonus points for having the love interest play an active part in the villain's defeat. In fact, she pretty much kills him (not in cold blood, mind you). Yes, those movies are much better than Green Lantern regardless but if Parallax had been sealed again or weakened to the point of near-death, I wouldn't be so annoyed. Or if it had been Sinestro or Kilowog or the Guardians who faced him down, but no, can't have that, gotta have the rookie be the one that takes on the supposed menace. If Hal had weakened him and Sinestro had been the one to finish him off once and for all, it would have given Sinestro closure for Parallax causing the death of his friend, Abin Sur. It would have looked awesome and Hal still would have been a hero, for his bravery and effort.

But also, was Parallax chosen just because they needed the Earth threatened in a big way and thus build him up? You're telling me that other Green Lantern villains wouldn't have worked? Granted, I don't see The Icicle or Solomon Grundy being dangerous to the world or universe at large but what about the Manhunters? Or Mongul, despite his association with Superman as well? Kanjar Ro appeared in the DC Original Animated film Green Lantern: First Flight but he could work again, as he wasn't even the main villain in that. And while it might seem too early, having members from the other Lantern Corps would have worked, the Red Lanterns in particular, being powered by rage and all (but explaining all the different Corps would take a whole other blog on its own and this one's way long already).

To summarize, Green Lantern's biggest problems were not enough time spent in space, with the interesting characters, and spending too much time on Earth, with the dirtbags we don't care about and the cliché of the rookie overcoming the big bad too easily. For all that, though, I still award it 3.5/5, if only because there is promise here. With Sinestro crossing the threshold to villainy like in the comics, he'll get his day and maybe we'll get an epic space battle. We can only hope. 

This Little Light Of Mine, I'm Gonna Let It Shine (Part 1)

(Please note: the following blog was originally posted on my old blog Why Yes I Am Quite Random, Why Do You Ask?, a blog I can no longer access for some unknown reason. This is being put at the start of each blog I'm uploading, in case anyone comes across the blog and accuses me of plagiarism. This is explained further in my introduction blog.

The following was originally posted on Thursday, February 9th, 2012 at 4:26 pm)

Even though I've given it a mini-review of sorts in my blog on the movies I saw in 2011, Green Lantern is a film I've been wanting to review for sometime now. I've held off mostly due to all the films I've seen this year and as an attempt to spread my wings a little with what I review, since I have done a fair few comics and comic book movies. Granted, that won't be stopping (not with this year seeing the release of some great comic book movies and some more titles from the New 52) but I feel now I should go over my feelings about the Green Lantern film.

Now, considering how many Green Lanterns there have been in the comics, I won't be giving a brief history on the Corps itself. However, I do want to go into Hal Jordan's origin.

Hal Jordan was created by John Broome and Gil Kane during what was known as the Silver Age Of Comics (when a lot of silly stuff happened), making his debut in October 1959. Despite his title, he was not connected to the previous Green Lantern, Alan Scott (who was not connected to the Corps. Long story, for another time). Whereas Alan was a solo hero with a magic lantern, Hal was part of the Green Lantern Corps, an intergalactic police force. Dividing the universe into 3600 sectors, the Guardians created the Corps and dispatched at least two Lanterns per sector and gave them a ring harnessing green energy representing willpower. Thus, to be a Lantern, you needed great willpower and the ability to overcome fear. This willpower allows the ring bearer to create constructs of anything they can think of.
Hal was special for at the time, he was the first human to be a Lantern and in the public consciousness, he is the face of the Corps. Other Lanterns from Earth would come and go and some would even gain popularity in other mediums (John Stewart in the DCAU production Justice League for example) but Hal is who most people would think of, regardless of which Lantern they grew up with or read first.

So, naturally, he was the Lantern selected to be the focus for the live action film. At this point, DC's track record of putting their heroes on the big screen is mixed. On the one hand, Batman and Superman have well known and well loved films, with the reboot of Batman changing not just how comic book movies (and comic books to some extent) are done but the industry as a whole (as did Inception. I'm going to go ahead and call it, Nolan is some kind of sorcerer, he's just too damn good). On the other... well, that's it for DC's A-list roster on the big screen. Despite having such strong and solid characters like the Flash, Wonder Woman and the Teen Titans, most of what DC fling at us are characters with a smaller following. Now, I'm not against that, I'm happy to see DC try and get some more characters into a wider scene but why exactly does Jonah Hex get his own movie before someone like Green Arrow? And Steel, from way back? I can understand The Losers, being a Vertigo imprint (for non comic fans, Vertigo's essentially a section inside of DC, mostly focusing on more “mature” content, like Sandman, Preacher and Hellblazer) and Watchmen is a standalone work, which are always easier to adapt. But how can you expect a Justice League movie when only two of your major players get the screen time? And yes, there WAS a Justice League movie being planned but that got scrapped and I don't see it happening anytime soon.

But I'm getting off-track. In short, having Green Lantern on screen gave me hope that things were moving forward, and that maybe Aquaman, Flash and Wonder Woman films would soon follow.
Now, let's get to the movie proper. Due to how much I have to say about this movie, I'm splitting the review in two posts. I don't like doing it because it feels a bit cheap and it seems like I'm favouring a movie (despite the rating I give it) but considering everything I have to say, plus the text above, I feel in this case that it's necessary.

Hal Jordan (Ryan Reynolds) is a cocky and smug test pilot for Ferris Aircraft, who's putting the careers of his co-workers in jeopardy while showing off during a test flight. One night, he is drawn to the crash site of a dying alien, Abin Sur (Temuera Morrison) and is inducted into the Green Lantern Corps. Hal soon learns of Parallax (voiced by Clancy Brown), a being of immense power, capable of destruction on planetary levels and that Parallax has his sights set on Earth. It's up to Hal to prove his worth amongst the Corps, under the watchful eye of Thaal Sinestro (Mark Strong) and save the Earth.

OK, there's a bit more to it, but we'll get to that. Green Lantern is a mixed film. For just about every good element, there's something that needed to be tweaked or removed altogether. Rather than do a point by point on every good and negative aspect, I'll try and keep it short and go with just a few of each.

Let's start with something good: Ryan Reynolds is a damn good Hal Jordan. A huge comic fan, it's always nice to see Ryan in any comic book movie, because you know he cares. Would I say Hal is his best? No, but when you've played Wade Wilson, it's a hard act to follow (and he better be Deadpool when that movie finally takes off. Seriously, he was the best thing in X-Men Origins: Wolverine). Ryan plays Hal as smug but noble, traits the character has had in the comics since his creation and hearing him say the oath, you can't help but be pumped. Though, part of that might be due to how awesome the oath is on its own.
Hal's a quick thinker, too, and the constructs he creates are wonderful. There's the standard giant green fist, and guns and swords (in a damn good scene, no less, between Sinestro and Hal in which they practice with sword constructs) but without giving them all away, they're way better than I expected and easily a highlight of the film.

For something bad... there's the supporting cast of characters on Earth. They range from being average (pretty much everybody not about to be mentioned) to being poorly developed (Hector Hammond, Thomas Kalmaku) to being Blake Lively.
Yeah. I hate Blake Lively. What exactly is a Gossip Girl doing in a movie like this? There's no himbos to slut up to or drugs to snort, so why was she chosen over candidates like Jennifer Garner or Eva Green? Really, throughout most of the movie, she just looks pissed off or vacant, like she doesn't want to be there. Well, that's fine, we don't want you there. I get that comics aren't big to a lot of Hollywood stars but why would you cast someone so superficial? At least get someone who gives a damn. Hell, Jennifer Garner has already been in a comic book movie (what's that? Elektra got a spin-off? I don't know what you're talking about and let us never speak of that again) and another potential for the role, Keri Russell, voiced Wonder Woman in the movie of the same name released under the DC Original Animated line (and she suited that role to a tee, and helped make it the best movie of the entire line). So, what did Blake offer that they couldn't? Could be worse, we could have that Heidi Montag skank. Having seen that “audition tape” she sent for the third Transformers movie, I would pay someone to punch her parents for letting her exist.

But on to Hammond, as the secondary villain. Before being infected with an aspect of Parallax, he's an average guy, and so far, no complaints from me. Once the infection kicks in... what the Hell? I've read his debut story. He may have a big head thanks to the alien influence but why does he look like Quasimodo's bastard son? In that story, while his head was big, he still looked dapper. But that doesn't compare to the characterization. Again, pre-infection, nothing wrong, everything seems promising. After... he becomes a whiny, petulant, creepy stalker. The scene that reveals he knew Carol (Blake's “character”, and if Carol Ferris was real, she'd kick Blake's arse for raping her name) and Hal back in their youth is right about the time I realized this movie wasn't getting any better. Oh look, another “everybody knows everybody” movie. It doesn't add to anything, he doesn't do much with Carol and no one cares about his eventual fate anyway, so if we were supposed to sympathize with him, you failed, movie. And to add insult to injury, the biggest recurring characteristic is his sour relationship with his father and how he keeps bitching about him. What I hate about that is that it made me think of Blackheart from Ghost Rider. And I HATE Blackheart. “Wah wah, Daddy didn't love me, I'm going to use my superpowers in rage against him RAAAARGHBARGBLEGH!” and you just wish someone would hurry up and shoot them in the goddamn head (and I'll get to reviewing Ghost Rider, probably just before the sequel comes out).

Next time, I'll get into the other members of the supporting cast and the villain.

The Next Transformers Movie Has A Lot To Fix... (Part 2 Of 2)

(Please note: the following blog was originally posted on my old blog Why Yes I Am Quite Random, Why Do You Ask?, a blog I can no longer access for some unknown reason. This is being put at the start of each blog I'm uploading, in case anyone comes across the blog and accuses me of plagiarism. This is explained further in my introduction blog.

The following was originally posted on Saturday, January 7th, 2012 at 6 am)

Alrighty, last time I went over my first few dislikes about the Transformers film series, including the colour scheme of the Decepticons and characters that are here one day, gone the next. Now for the remaining five gripes.

5. Say Megatron, what are we going to do tonight?

Each movie, Megatron has a new plan to restore Cybertron in some way. Fine, the G1 Megatron had a new plan virtually every episode. The problem is, with the plan of the third movie, you have to wonder why he didn't implement it right from the start. Yes, the Allspark was primarily what he was searching for, but having a space bridge as a contingency plan wouldn't hurt. And in Revenge Of The Fallen, harvesting the sun for Energon? But, wasn't the plan to restore Cybertron? Yeah, Energon will help but when you have a planet in ruins, wouldn't restoration of the structure be your first step? I mean, an Energon shortage certainly doesn't defeat the Decepticons in Dark Of The Moon.

There's no issue with the plans themselves, just that they seem kind of random. Or maybe that's just me.

4. Alas, poor...uh, dead guy?

I'm not expecting anyone in-universe to mourn the loss of the Decepticons (even if we are. *Sniffs* Poor Soundwave...) but it gets my goat that we're expected to care more about the human characters possibly dying than we are about the Autobots. What kind of eulogy does Jazz get after meeting his death in battle in the first film? NOTHING. Optimus says very little, opting instead to talk up his new awesome human friends.

Que/Wheeljack (that's how little they care, they can't decide on names for half the bloody Transformers) gets killed off unceremoniously too, probably killing him off in Dark Of The Moon because Bumblebee was too much of a cash cow.

Ironhide is about the only Autobot death that gets treated with some dignity and it's actually a true moment of horror for the viewer.

And no, I do not count the “death” of Optimus in Revenge Of The Fallen. That's what Optimus' do, they die and come back. It's like a TV rule or something. It's in the contract: Optimus dies, comes back, everyone has cake. Though, some of the series may have subverted it. Again, having not seen Armada or the sequel series, I cannot confirm one or another. Though, Transformers Animated has the shortest time between death and resurrection I believe.

3. Who are the stars again?

Sort of a combination of the points I made above, the amount of character development for most of the Transformers is... well, a lot of them don't get ANY development. Like I mentioned above, some of the Transformers aren't even named on screen, and those that are named in the credits will often have more than one name, with neither name being related to the other in some way.

About the only Transformers who get significant development throughout the series are Optimus Prime (naturally, being the leader and an icon), Megatron (same again), Starscream, Bumblebee (being the mascot and all) and to a lesser extent, Soundwave and Ironhide. Hell, Soundwave gets all of four lines in Revenge Of The Fallen! Four! And that's the movie he's introduced in! I may be biased since he's my absolute favourite Decepticon in most incarnations (particularly G1, though)

but considering he's part of the “big three” of the Decepticons, you think he'd get a bigger role. Now, that being said, it's my favourite aspect of Revenge Of The Fallen, especially given his alternate mode was a satellite, which totally works with his functions of spying and communicating.

In the first movie, it was easier to get a handle on the characters. While some of the Decepticons were characterized only by their basic traits of destructive nature and intimidation, they had their charms and quirks (like Bonecrusher and his now memetic status of hating everything). And with five Autobots, everybody had a chance to showcase who they were. OK, Jazz and Ratchet didn't get much to do, but at least we established that Jazz was fearless and seemed to take well to human culture, with Ratchet being scientifically minded (being a medic, it's not all that surprising) and desiring peace.

But with the sequels, most of them just become generic brawlers. As Bumblebee and Optimus get more screen time, and more Autobots inflate the ranks, it gets harder to pin down the personalities of each Autobot. I'm sure the tie-in comics and books go deeper, and more power to them, but it shouldn't be up to the extra materials to do that. I'm not saying they don't count, but if you can't get a hold of them, well, how does that help you?

But no, I'm sure the screentime is going to more deserving characters. Like... Sam's random classmates! Or... Leo! Or... Alice, the Decepticon Pretender!

Ugh, Alice. Don't get me started on her. Much like Skids and Mudflap, the few Transformers in sequels to get screentime and they suck. Isabel Lucas is not an actress, she's a whiny little bitch who thinks she's better than she is.

2. Toilet humor... yeah, you're aiming real high now

Not just toilet humor, but some of what passes for “humor” is just crap. The first movie brings us such “gems” as Bumblebee pissing on a human and Sam's parents being over eager in their sex talk. And maybe dogs humping, it could be the sequel. Or both, I wouldn't be surprised.

And what does Revenge Of The Fallen offer? Frat boys arguing over tight shirts (not toilet or gross humor per se but stupid nonetheless), a testicle joke made about Devastator (so this is what you think of the mighty Devastator? A goddamn punchline?) and Mrs. Witwicky getting high off pot brownies.

…

That is my least favourite part of the entire series, tying with anything to do with Alice, and is largely the reason Revenge Of The Fallen is my least favourite movie of the three. Now, I get that Mrs. Witwicky may or may not have gone to college but is she really that goddamn stupid that she doesn't even suspect there may be something a little off? And in this day and age, is it really that funny to see a middle aged housewife get high? Pathetic. Absolutely pathetic. I thought I was watching a Transformers movie, not “Kitty Foreman Wannabe Gets High And Acts Like An Idiot”.

Dark Of The Moon largely tunes it out, thank Primus, but Sam's parents are still there to be wacky. And annoying.

And this brings us to the number one problem I have with the Transformers film series.

1. You DO remember what the name of the series is, right?

Transformers is responsible for a term I use in regards to character creation and development. I call it “Squishy Humans Syndrome”. That's when a series with fantastical settings or concepts chooses not to focus on the cool stuff and decides we need more whiny, self-absorbed humans to fill up the character slots. The live action Green Lantern is also incredibly guilty of this, and my last few points have been hinting at it, but yes, the biggest problem is TOO MANY GODDAMN HUMANS!

Look, I get that we need some humans, G1 had Spike, Sparkplug, Carly and Chip Chase in the first two seasons. And they were great, we actually gave a rat's arse about them. But the number of likable characters (Dutch, Simmons in Dark Of The Moon, Epps, Keller, Maggie Madsen) are easily outnumbered by the characters you feel mixed about (Sam himself, Lennox, Charlotte Mearing, Carly just barely) or characters you hate with a passion (Sam's parents, Mikaela, Leo, Glen Whitmann, Bruce Brazos, Jerry Wang and especially Dylan Gould).

Michael Bay attempts to give these fleshlings backstories and histories and I have to ask “Why?” I came to see giant robots fighting each other, not for subplots about women with criminal histories who just happen to be good with cars while looking like Megan Fox (I call bullcrap on the whole thing, too. There's fanservice and then there's just looking like the old guy who wants the kids who thinks he's “hip” and “funky” and “down with the kids”. Screw the kids, kids are idiots).

G1 may not have bee perfect (loads of animation errors, new characters popping up with no proper introduction, no real changes in status quo until the third season with the exception of new characters) but at least it understood that the show was about giant, non-dull looking robots with personality taking each other on in a war for resources. Michael Bay may not have grown up with the show, and I admit I didn't see a lot of it as a kid, but I've come to respect what it started. I respect its origins. Somehow, I don't think Michael Bay does the same entirely.

Well, that was my top ten list of the problems I have with the film series.

I may do more Transformers related stuff down the track, especially focusing on the “trilogy of series” G1, Beast Wars and Beast Machines.

Will I do a top ten on what I did like about the series? Probably not, though I will come back to the films and review them individually and see if these problems can't be challenged on another viewing.

Rock'Em Sock'Em Robots This Is Not (Part 1 Of 2)

 (Please note: the following blog was originally posted on my old blog Why Yes I Am Quite Random, Why Do You Ask?, a blog I can no longer access for some unknown reason. This is being put at the start of each blog I'm uploading, in case anyone comes across the blog and accuses me of plagiarism. This is explained further in my introduction blog.

The following was originally posted on Friday, January 6th, 2012 at 7:52 pm )

This probably won't come as a shock to anyone, but I am a Transformers fan. Now, while I know next to nothing about Transformers: Prime, Animated, Armada or its sequel series, I have seen every episode of the very first animated series (commonly referred to as G1), Beast Wars and the sequel to that, Beast Machines. Though, these days, most people will think of the Michael Bay directed film trilogy (with a fourth installment being planned).

Now, I enjoyed all three films, some more than others, but when looking at the trilogy as a whole, there are certain aspects they share that either never get fixed or choose to hide for certain movies and pop back up when they please.

So, below is my list of the top ten problems I have with the trilogy as a whole, starting with number ten. Only rule here is I won't be singling out anything found in one movie and one movie only, or at least not as its own entry. For example, the idea that the American government could cover up the battle from the first film with such a flimsy reason in Revenge Of The Fallen. That is a problem with that movie and that movie alone. Also, expect spoilers here and there.

10. Blight of the Bumblebee

At the end of the first film, the formally “mute” Bumblebee has his ability to speak restored, meaning he no longer has to rely on soundbites from films, radio, etc. All well and good, even if it's never made clear what cured him (some say the Allspark, others say Ratchet's medical tool). For the next two films, however, he's gone back to using soundbites. The reason given in-universe (meaning the explanation through the characters) is that he's “being cute”. Now, there is a comic tie-in which suggests he had is vocal units damaged again but either way, it's kinda cheap. You had him speak for a couple of lines in the first movie, was it really that hard to keep Mark Ryan around? Yes, he alternates between radio and his own voice in Dark Of The Moon but that just makes it harder to tell.

9. Where the frag is Frank?

The casting of Peter Cullen in the role he originated was a smart move, as it gave the series credibility and if I ever make a list of positives across the series, Peter's voicing of Optimus Prime would make the list undisputed. Back when the first film was in production, Frank Welker was considered to reprise his role of Megatron. Ultimately, Bay felt his voice had aged too much for what he wanted.

But... Frank would later go on to voice Megatron for most of the game tie-ins and in the latest TV series, Transformers: Prime. Yes, the series isn't connected to the films, but clearly the love we have for Frank Welker (the untouchable when it comes to voice acting. Seriously, Fred from Scooby-Doo, Nibbler from Futurama, Dr. Claw from Inspector Gadget, Thaddeus Plotz and Ralph the Guard from Animaniacs and various animals and animal noises amongst many others) is uncontested. And yes, Frank did voice several of the smaller characters in the last two films, as well as reprising his role as Soundwave (one of the positives, again, even if they forgot to alter the voice like they did back in the original series, which explains why Soundwave sounds like Dr. Claw) but if we can hear him as Megatron in the games, we should have him in the films. So, he may be around, but if you don't play the games, you're probably not going to notice.

Doesn't help that Hugo Weaving (while awesome) doesn't really seem to get into it very much, it's almost like he's not all enthused about the project.

8. Now you see them, now you don't

While this will contrast with what I'll say later, this needs to be said. Between films, some characters that don't die just vanish with no explanation. Now, this can be handwaved by something like “Well, with the main character being at a different place in his life, these characters are no longer needed”. I'm not saying I want a gigantic reunion, but one or two lines of dialogue. Really, is that too much to ask?

Take Leo Spitz, for example. OK, I wasn't that big a fan of his character. Or a fan at all, but considering how he was originally supposed to be in Dark Of The Moon, would a line about what he was doing since the events of Revenge Of The Fallen have killed the script writers?

But some of the worst offenders have to be the Transformers themselves. Between Revenge Of The Fallen and Dark Of The Moon, the characters of Jolt, The Doctor and possibly half/three-quarters of the Constructicons vanish without a word of their fate. Hell, Barricade is absent from the final confrontation of the first film and doesn't reappear until Dark Of The Moon! And briefly, at that! And I swear some characters disappear in the movies that introduce them...

7. And it ends... now!

Mostly applying to the second and third films, the ending takes a long time rolling around. Revenge Of The Fallen has a lot of, to quote the Nostalgia Critic, firing in the desert. And slow motion shots just to drag it out. And I wasn't even in the cinema for that one. I was for Dark Of The Moon, though, and toward the end, when the Autobots weren't on screen, it really felt like the movie was shuffling its feet to reach a conclusion.

6. I see fields of gray...

While the Autobots are mostly in bright, vibrant, distinguishable colours, the Decepticons could very well be mistaken for each other when gathering for a group photo. In the first movie, it's not so bad, as the ones that don't have colour schemes have other distinguishing features (like Scorponok being... well, a scorpion) but as the ranks grow higher, it gets harder and harder to tell the Decepticons apart. Megatron, Starscream and Soundwave largely escape this due to screentime and status but what about guys like Sideways and Grindor (who I actually thought was a resurrected Blackout at first. I mean, some of the underlings went into the ocean to get Megatron back online, so why not all their fallen brethren?) I mean, did everyone need to be gun-metal grey? And don't give me the whole “striving for realism” schtick. It's a series about giant alien robots, I can suspend my disbelief for more colours on the palette. 

Next blog, I'll go over the top five things that grind my gears about the Transformers film series.

Xander, That's Not The North Star, That's An Airplane (Part 1)

(Please note: the following blog was originally posted on my old blog Why Yes I Am Quite Random, Why Do You Ask?, a blog I can no longer access for some unknown reason. This is being put at the start of each blog I'm uploading, in case anyone comes across the blog and accuses me of plagiarism. This is explained further in my introduction blog.

The following was originally posted on Friday, November 18th, 2011 at 7:07 pm)

You ever watch something on TV that you have on DVD and have seen several times before but you end up watching the rest of the episode/movie anyway and you feel the urge to watch the entire thing again? I had that recently. I was sitting down to dinner before going to work and while channel surfing, I saw an episode of Buffy The Vampire Slayer and since there wasn't anything else particularly engaging on any other channel, I kept watching to determine what episode it was. It ended up being I Was Made For Loving You, a season 5 episode involving a robot (not the first robot to appear on the show either) and a rather enjoyable one at that.

For those not in the know, here's the skinny: Buffy is a young woman who is destined to fight off the vampires, the demons, the monsters, the things that go bump in the night. She is the latest (at first) in a long line of vampire slayers. With her friends, she is not alone as she tackles high school (initially) and the forces of darkness. The show ran for seven seasons, from 1997-2003 and is still fondly remembered today. The legacy even lives on in comic book form, with season eight having finished and now season nine is currently being written. And of course, the show had a spin-off with Angel (which I will discuss another time)

I could go on about the show but, partly inspired by re-watching that episode and my best friend's own blog post about Buffy (http://daveherndon.blogspot.com/2011/10/buffy-vampire-slayer-discussed.html#comment-form), I have decided to do my own top ten list of favourite episodes, over two blogs.

Before we get into that, of the TV series itself, here is how I rank the seasons, from best to worst:

6, 3, 5, 2, 1, 7, 4

Oh and I should point out there may be spoilers so if you have not yet watched the show or are still on the early seasons, you have been warned.

Now, for the episode list itself, we'll do in reverse:

10. Graduation Day Part 2 (Season 3, Episode 22)

Season finales are of course a big deal for any show though only two have made my list. The key theme is ascension. Not just for the season's villain (literal in his case as he transforms from man to demon), but for Buffy and her friends too as they graduate high school (as the title states) and thus, they ascend into adulthood of sorts.

I think my favourite aspect has to be the fact that throughout the seasons, Buffy and her friends have been unable to stop the ascension or the villain's plans and are up against a wall in trying to vanquish him. However, by the episode's end, she not only has a plan, but she got the whole student body in on it, even though she's never really fit in. A nice pre-cursor to her leadership role in season 7.

The action is top-notch and it has one of my absolute favourite lines of the show: “Fire bad, tree pretty”

9. Storyteller (Season 7, Episode 16)

Despite how serious the show is and how it handles mature and complex issues, Buffy still has razor sharp wit and in some cases, creates whole episodes of hilarity. Like this episode.

Newly reformed Andrew (one of my favourite characters of the franchise, hands down) takes up the bulk of this episode, with video camera at the ready to film Buffy and her potential slayers as they train for an upcoming war.

Like some of the best episodes, it is capable of putting you into hysterics one minute and then make you sad in the next. Andrew stops denying the truth about what happened to his former friend (a friend he killed and refused to take the blame for) and thus, he grows a little. Character development is a huge part of why this show is so damn good.

8. Crush (Season 5, Episode 14)

In which ensemble dark horse Spike confesses his love for Buffy, who just reacts with outright disgust. A funny episode, though it's dark. Also notable for being the last non-flashback appearance of Spike's former lover and sire, Drusilla.

7. Forever (Season 5, Episode 17)

The episode right after the very infamous shock of The Body. While many fans will state this as a favourite (indeed, The Body is an extremely fine piece of work and were this a top twenty, it would have been here no doubt), the aftermath deals more directly with Dawn and Spike's perspectives, with excellent dialogue between Buffy and Dawn and both Sarah Michelle Gellar and Michelle Trachtenberg act the Hell out of their scenes.

6. Once More With Feeling (Season 6, Episode 7)

If you're not a hardcore fan, you probably still know the name Once More With Feeling. But if you're not in the know, it's the musical episode. A fantastic musical, too. And it actually goes to great lengths to explain WHY everyone's bursting into spontaneous song and dance routines, with lampshade hanging on the types of songs found in musicals and the measures of success (basically, Anya asking different questions like if a certain character's song could be considered a breakaway pop hit).

Throw in a smooth, sophisticated demon as the “villain” (I'd be hard pressed to call him that, he doesn't seem entirely evil) and you have a highlight for the series. Incidentally, my favourite songs are Under Your Spell, Rest In Peace and Walk Through The Fire. And yes, I know the words to each of those off by heart...

Next time, the top five. Will yours be there?

If The Apocalypse Comes, Beep Me (Part 2)

(Please note: the following blog was originally posted on my old blog Why Yes I Am Quite Random, Why Do You Ask?, a blog I can no longer access for some unknown reason. This is being put at the start of each blog I'm uploading, in case anyone comes across the blog and accuses me of plagiarism. This is explained further in my introduction blog.

The following was originally posted on Saturday, November 19th, 2011 at 2:09 am )

And welcome back. If you've read my previous blog, you'll know that I'm a fan of the show Buffy The Vampire Slayer, and in fact, a huge Joss Whedon fan (though I haven't seen Dollhouse yet, because no one will announce when the DVD releases are heading my way...)
So, without further ado, the final five to make up my top ten favourite Buffy episodes. Maybe someday I'll do a top ten least favourite list or even a general overview. Probably not until next year, though.

5. The Replacement (Season 5, Episode 3)
I consider Xander Harris a role model of sorts, one amongst many. He's not the brightest (but very, very far from stupid), he lacks special powers and he usually gets the short end of the stick. But he has a heart and determination so powerful, you could weaponize it and devastate a small army. So, I am a big fan of any episode in which he is the focus and his positive aspects shine through. In this episode, he discovers that despite his shortcomings, he is capable of moving up in the workplace and getting an apartment all on his own gumption. He grows a lot too, and his comforting Anya when she worries about their future is really touching.
Also, the antagonist, the demon Toth, I really liked him. He had a certain dignity to him and his plan (split Buffy into two separate beings, one being weaker and then kill the weaker one to destroy both) is genius. Of course, it doesn't quite work that way but that's through no fault of his own.

4. Grave (Season 6, Episode 22)
The other season finale to make it here and oh man, this is an edge-of-your-seat kind of affair. While it still tries for an “the entire world is doomed” type of ending, it's a LOT more personal when you look at who's involved (no spoilers here, I will not ruin it for anyone yet to see it). I nearly cried with this episode, mostly due to Xander (seriously, when I was younger, I wanted to BE Xander Harris when I grew up) and there's a hilariously wonderful moment with Buffy and Giles just laughing and discussing things. The best of all the “heavily serious” episodes of Buffy.

3. Life Serial (Season 6, Episode 5)
This and the next two episodes are nearly gag-a-minute affairs and they work so well because of it. Whether it's Buffy being annoyed at college, losing her construction job after one day or wanting to scream out in agony in retail, the humor is never absent for long. And her encounter with a mummy hand... oh, that is the sweetest plum of all “Fingers sold separately”

2. Intervention (Season 5, Episode 18)
After the heavy atmosphere of the previous two episodes (the aforementioned The Body and Forever), some levity was needed and it came thick and fast with this episode. Another robot is seen and this time, resembling Buffy. Sarah Michelle looks like she's having the time of her life playing the constantly perky and smiling sex-bot, while delivering such lines like:
“You are recently gay”
“It's Spike! And he's wearing a coat!”
“Spike! You're covered in sexy wounds!”
And one of the greatest exchanges of dialogue ever in Buffy, with everyone's favourite capitalist supporter, Anya: “Anya! How is your money?” “Fine! Thank you for asking!”
Throw in one of Tara's best lines “What are you kidding? She's nuts!” and some great acting from James Marsters and you have a nearly unrivaled gem

1. Something Blue (Season 4, Episode 9)
While season four may be my least favourite season (oh wow, the military is up to something involving monsters, yawn), this episode downplays that aspect and just decides to go in for some hi-jinx. Willow's spellcasting causes odd things to happen, like Xander becoming a demon magnet and Buffy and Spike suddenly deciding to get married (they fall in love, eh? Hmm... have to wonder if that wasn't planned from the start, considering where things end up at the show's conclusion) and it's just a hoot.
And, interesting trivia, Buffy wants Wind Beneath My Wings played at her wedding.

Well, there you have it. I haven't read all of the season eight comics but what I have read has ranged from average to excellent, so it's definitely worth checking out (especially the second arc, No Future For You. I want a Giles and Faith spin-off live action series. NOW.)

So, any fellow Buffy fans care to name a few of their favourites?