I Just Keep Fighting That Windmill

So, yeah, been a while since I updated. There's a reason for that, one I intend to discuss today.

And before I get to it, a disclaimer: anyone who wants to leave a comment about me whining or having a pity party, this is MY blog, and I'm entitled to complain. Yeah yeah, first world problems, I'm better off than some people and all that, but really, if we kept playing that card, no one could complain about anything ever.

I've talked about this before, but now it's getting worse. I work 5-6 nights a week, depending on the week. This month has been a nightmare, due to the amount of holidays (Labour Day and Easter), and that means a lot more to do.

Being at my workplace kills a lot of motivation for everything else in my life. The stream, doing this very blog, even going to the movies. Mainly because, sometimes, they feel like work. And on my nights off, which gives me a great amount of time to catch-up, my mind rebels, because of that feeling. I have so many movies to review, but sometimes, I lose the desire to actually talk about them.

At my work, I feel like I give and I give, and return, all my workplace does is take and take and ask for more. And quite frankly, I don't know how much more I can give.

So, you're asking, why not just quit? There are a multitude of reasons, but perhaps the biggest: there's nothing wrong with ME. I'M doing what I'M supposed to do. I'll be damned if I'm leaving just because I care. I'm not trying to talk myself up, but I put in a damn good effort.

What I'm getting at is, because of how much of a mental toll it's taken on me, I've become concerned with some of the thoughts I've had lately.

Going back to what I said about motivation, caring is also a factor. Sometimes, I don't know if there's enough room in my heart to care about anything else. It's like the joy has been sucked right out of me.

To quote the song “Going Through The Motions”, from the Buffy The Vampire Slayer episode “Once More With Feeling” in Season 6, nothing seems to penetrate my heart. I do pretty much the same thing, day-in, day-out. I just don't a lot of people see how much it gets to me. Or, to quote another song, Smokey Robinson and The Miracles' “The Tracks Of My Tears”:

“So take a good look at my face

You'll see my smile looks out of place

If you look closer it's easy to trace

The tracks of my tears”

The concern mostly comes from the fact that, dealing with the public has also made hate humanity just that little bit more. Not humans as individuals, because a lot of the ones I know are outstanding.

When a large portion of people can't remember the basics of etiquette, how can we expect them to be mature about the concerns of society, such as allowing marriage equality for the gay community (not going to rant about that here, but long story short, stop denying that right to them!)

Due to the constant rudeness and ingratitude, it's getting to the point where I imagine inflicting pain upon people, and that's the closest feeling to joy that I experience. And really, that kind of scares me.

Using another Buffy reference, there's a scene from Season 3 I keep coming back to, in the episode Amends, in which Angel, the vampire with a soul, contemplates suicide. His line is one of the most amazing I've ever heard in any fictional story: “It's not the demon in me that needs killing, Buffy. It's the man.”

I often wonder the same thing about myself. By killing any sense of honour, any morality about myself, would I then be free of the shackles of my situation?

Or should I just remove myself from the planet altogether? Maybe I AM the demon myself.

There's a saying that everyone is the hero of their own life, their own story. But what if... what if I'm the villain? What if the people I know are really the protagonists, and I'm the dragon that needs to be smote? That would explain why I feel this way, and why the universe designated me as one of its many butt monkeys. Maybe I'm just a bad person, and I'm only just coming to terms with it now.

One of the biggest recurring themes in these past blog posts has been references to Batman, and I'm reminded of something Batman once said to his second Robin, Jason Todd, after Jason came back from the dead and became an anti-hero/villain (long story): “You're broken and I can't fix you”.

Maybe that's what it is, really. Maybe I'm just broken, and can't be fixed. Or it wouldn't be worthwhile to fix me.

I'd like to think I'm a decent person. But I spend so much time doing so much for people I don't care about, that I don't feel like I'm doing enough for the people I DO care about. Sometimes, I feel like I'm in a room that's far away from everyone else, with only a solitary window, and I see everyone I care about, but can do nothing for them. Story of my life.

So, where do I go from here? I guess I just keep going through the motions, waiting for something to give. Either me or my job. Won't be long until I'm in a padded room, I dare say.

As for the blog itself? Well, updates will probably be sporadic, mostly movie reviews to catch up on my long list. We'll have to wait and see.

To finish, another song reference, this one from Tears For Fears' “Mad World”:

“And I find it kind of funny

I find it kind of sad

That dreams in which I'm dying

Are the best I've ever had”.

Thank you and sorry to depress you. Even if it's probably just two people reading. And that's being ambitious.

Unchained And Unleashed

Going to try reviewing things in a slightly altered style, so that these reviews don't just look like walls of text (well, they still will be, but at least it might be more accessible).

So, let's jump right into Django Unchained.

Django (Jamie Foxx) is a slave, freed by dentist-turned-bounty hunter, Schultz (Christoph Waltz) to help him find the Brittle brothers. In return, Schultz offers to help Django rescue his wife, Broomhilda (Kerry Washington), an endeavor that leads them to the affably evil Calvin Candie (Leonardo DiCpario).

Rather than just things off paragraph by paragraph, jumping between good and bad, I'm just going to review this (and the movies for the next few posts) with a pros and cons list.

Pros:

• The acting. Oh my Lord, the acting is sensational. Jamie Foxx is just a badass, so stoic and determined, and fantastic with a gun. He's able to roll with the punches (figuratively and literally), but get him talking about his wife, and you can hear the devotion in his voice, and see it in his eyes. Jamie Foxx may not have been the first choice but as far as I'm concerned, he's the best choice.
  Leonardo DiCaprio... it's actually really hard to hate his character, despite being racist and despicable. He's just so charming, and even somewhat caring. I mean, he's still a bad person for his racist tendencies, but he's much less of a racist than any of the other antagonists (I know that doesn't make up for anything, but he's actually a really complex character). Hell, his manservant, Stephen (Samuel L. Jackson) speaks to him harshly, but Calvin treats him like sage council, and seems to have the utmost respect for him.
  Kudos to DiCaprio for adding layers to what otherwise would have been a stock standard villain.

But the one who steals the show is Christoph Waltz. Just about anything that comes out of the guy's mouth is hilarious, and he's always cool and collected under pressure. Aside from his general cool attitude, he's also a progressive thinker and loyal to a fault. As good as he was in Inglorious Basterds, he's even better here.

• The gunplay. Typical for a Tarantino film, there's a whole lot of talk, and a whole lot of action, both of which are most welcome. Unlike Gangster Squad, where the choice to use blood splatter to gore up a scene was head-scratching, it's not bothersome here, mostly because Tarantino is playing fast and loose.
  Hell, sometimes, it's downright hilarious, especially towards the end. Sometimes, it even resembles a rail shooter! I can't remember the last time I laughed at an action sequence. Though, I should point out, this was laughter of “Holy crap, what ideas ran through this mad man's head?!” kind, because it's off the wall, insane and I have not one single problem with it.
• My favourite scene, however, is actually quiet in terms of action, and is actually really heartwarming. In this scene, Schultz is telling Django a story about a knight named Seigfried, who rescues his wife Broomhilda after a long and arduous journey. Not only is it something that lifts Django's spirits, it's a nice little parallel to the movie itself (with the use of the name Broomhilda perhaps being the least subtle thing about it). Sometimes, in fast-talkin', fast-shootin' films, it's the quiet moments that prove to be the most effective.

Cons:

• Speaking of Broomhilda, let's go over to the character featured within the movie. Now, I have nothing against Kerry Washington, but her character in this film is basically a living prop. All she does is scream, or look scared or confused (up until the very end, where she does show different emotions) and even partly contributes to the plans not going... well, to plan.
  I can't really entirely blame her, the character is poorly written. Which is a shame, since Tarantino knows how to write a strong woman (see the Kill Bill films for many examples). On the plus side, if they ever do a Super Mario movie, she's got Princess Peach's mannerisms down (yeah, I know Peach isn't black, so what? Kingpin wasn't black in the Daredevil comics but Michael Clarke Duncan was the best thing about that movie).
• Ending fatigue. I'm sure I've gone over this before, but in case, I haven't, ending fatigue is when a movie (can apply to other mediums, but let's stay with movies here) looks like it's about to end, but keeps going, even though most of its loose ends are tied up. This is a criticism commonly thrown at films like The Return Of The King, the last couple Pirates Of The Caribbean films, The Dark Knight/The Dark Knight Rises and Transformers: Dark Of The Moon (that last one I'll definitely agree with).
  And, sorry to say, it kind of kicked in here for me. (Slight spoiler here). After a big shoot-out in Calvin's mansion in which Django is outnumbered and lacking in ammunition, Django is captured. What happens after that I won't reveal, since I think I've said too much already, but really, if Tarantino had changed a few things, and had that shoot-out be the end of it, I'd have been perfectly content. I mean, I don't hate what comes after, but once that part starts, you begin to wonder whether or not the movie actually IS ending soon. And since it concludes the way we expect it to, it's not like we actually needed it.

All in all, another solid offering from Tarantino, and an early contender for my top five for the year. Will it stay that way? Bit early to say, but either way, it's a Hell of a ride.